War Is Not for Human Beings

29/52 Michael Ondaatje. The English Patient (1993). I enjoyed reading this multi layered and abundant novel full-heartedly from the first page. I have never read anything from Michael Ondaatje so his work was a wonderful surprise. I read another book from him right after this one, Anil's Ghost, because I enjoyed this so much. This is perfect summer read. I found the novel entertaining because it has many interesting details and lots of happenings. It also enlightened me about the history of Second World War.

The happenings take place in Italy in 1945 when the Second World war  is still having it's influence on people who have survived.  I have had my schools in Finland so my understanding about the history is very Eurocentric and focused on Finland's role and relations with other countries.  All four main characters come from very different backgrounds bringing their own history and interests. Hana is from Canada and has worked as a nurse in the war. She has lost both her child and father. The English patient has traveled through the desert and has now lost his memory. He has no idea who he is, where he is from and what he was doing before the Bedouins found him badly burnt from the desert. Caravaggio is Hana's father's old friend who has worked as a spy during the war because of his skills to infiltrate to the most difficult places. Kip is an Indian Sikh whose job to undo bombs doesn't end at the moment when the war does. Mines of many kind and dud explosives remind that the scars of war can't be forgotten in a day or two. What has been done can't be undone without a sacrifice.

I felt like this party gathered in an Italian villa is making an effort to collect themselves after the horrible events that have drained them. They close the world out and concentrate on what is left. They all have still work to do. Hana is still needed as a nurse and the ground is full of explosives for Kip to broke. But at the moment they need time of to realize where they are. Like they have gone through a series of incidents they have had nothing to say and now they need to make peace with their decisions to cope with the future. Hana has lost her father and in the moment of her grief meets the so called English patient. A badly burnt man whose history is not known. She decides to concentrate on taking care of the man the best way possible. She is first left to the villa alone with the man but soon Caravaggio and Kip make her company. Caravaggio says Hana is in love with the burnt man but as I understood it she is processing her grief and bad consciousness about not being able to help her father.

What comes to the burnt man whose past is unclear I was not sure if  he really didn't remember or if he just tried to forget. When the past years begin to unravel it becomes understandable why he might have wanted to bury it all and start as a new person. In the middle of war people have been making decisions that looking back seem immoral and wrong. When evaluating the circumstances it becomes possible to understand the real motives behind the actions. This novel doesn't use war as an exciting background for dramatic love stories. It literally tells how great love stories end to dust and bone in cruel world that is not made for human beings at all. The war comes to destroy the lives for all four main characters and nothing beautiful comes out of war.

The English patient has been making a search with his colleagues at the desert when barbaric war arrives making the members of the scientific community enemies to each other. It is absurd how people who are sharing a passion together and who have been working together for ages can become enemies because of the politics. It is artificial how these politics search to keep people apart by the rules of war. The researches of the desert are studying ancient cultures and focus on happenings far back in the history. The new war is surprising, plain stupid and irrational. I thought it was an intelligent choice not to romanticize the lost love that the English patient has had. I think it would have been dangerous to do such as make heroes of war and love. War makes you lose and war is always ugly and unnecessary.

Mines have been planted to places where people should be able to live. Explosives under the ground are so unjust because you can't see what you are fighting against. Also one who has planted those bombs can never know who they are killing or harming. Civilians become the sufferers too often. Also what makes those so horrible is that you can't switch off the mines when the declaration of peace has been run on the radio. Even after that someone will be harmed or killed. A lot of work has to be done to clear the Earth off from danger.

What I like about Ondaatje's style is that he doesn't over explain but trusts the reader to understand and feel what the characters are going through. He uses subtle hints when he describes the choices the characters have done. One can come to a decision by self when reading and learning about the characters. The novel focuses in the moment when all four are living under the same roof. There are no clear or simple relationships. The reader is left to sort out what was all about again and make their own interpretation. I don't want to open the plot too much so you will have the amazing reading experience but I have to say that I found that many of the relationships left questions we might all answer differently. For example the English patient's and Katherine's love story that is revealed piece by piece made me question what was it about? They both seemed very surprised about their emotions  towards each other. They did have some kind of relationship, but where they in love and would they have become a couple if things would have gone in a different way? This book is written for people who like to read carefully and ponder every nuance of the text to make a conclusion. You also have to be prepared that you might not get an answer at all.

30/52 Michael Ondaatje: Anil's Ghost (2000). Just few words about this novel I read right after I finished The English Patient. The happenings take place in Sri Lanka where there is a war going on and people are disappearing. Some of the people are found dead some have gone missing and their relatives are left to uncertainty to what has happened to their loved ones. Anil has been born in Sri Lanka but lived fifteen years abroad, mainly in United States. She is a forensic pathologist and sent to make a research about what has happened in the war. In Sri Lanka she gets to work with Sarath who is an archaeologist. Together they try to sort out who is the person they find from an old grave but is proven to be a victim of a more present violence than the others found from the same place. The two professionals are forced to work in circumstances where they have to be afraid that by doing right thing and revealing the truth they might get harmed. The people of the society are coping from day to day in uncertainty what might happen. It leaves the question how to succeed to do the right thing when keeping silent might keep you safe? Yet the whole situation won't change if  everyone in staying scared at home trying to survive. Someone has to do the first action towards justice. But how much can you expect an individual to be ready to sacrifice for the sake of better tomorrow?

Hope you have wonderful and thought provoking reading experiences with both books! 
Happy Weekend!

Sannu

Anton Chekhov's Short Stories

After I finished Anna Karenina on February my Instagram friend recommended me Anton Chekhov as one of her favorites from Russian classics. I love to get reading recommendations and the next week I went to get a novel collection from Chekhov. As every time I go near the library I tend to carry home 3-8 books I didn't get to read that novel collection anytime soon. I also like to wait for the right mood for every book instead of just reading mindlessly. There is a perfect time for every book when it comes to bloom in your life.

Midwinter moths were perfect for Anna Karenina and these early summer days fit for Chekhov's short stories. Where ever you choose to turn your head you see lush groves and airy flowers that are like sprinkles on top of all that green. Corner of the old wooden building bathes in the sunlight. There are wheelbarrows, shovels and bags of flowers to be put to the soil. Somehow all that I described to you is a picture of Chekhov's short stories even though not all of them are light and amusing. When I began with the first collection of stories, that I had brought home months ago, I found it difficult to stop. I felt I need to read more stories to build an impression what Chekhov's novels are about. There are many themes from surprising little happenings to ponderings about love and life. What I found out after three collections was a certain style to plainly accept what happens in life. Many of the main characters are only half taking part to their own lives. They are sort of frozen to the moment and waiting. And this was why I needed to read more these stories. First it was difficult to understand that the people whose lives are described are not moving. Their life doesn't change or they don't come to a conclusion that would direct their life to another path. Not all of the stories are like that but quite big part.

There were many lovers in these stories that met in beautiful circumstances. Like everything was set up for success but then something happens. Or actually what happens is that nothing happens. The lovers miss the final push to act and start. It feels like they meet in spring when all blooms and invites to passion and strong emotions. Then they stay still when seasons change and only do they see time passing when the chance to start has been missed. In one story two young people are sledging and a boy whispers every time they go down hill that he loves her. The girl waits it to turn something bigger but what is left is that after the years the man doesn't know why he whispered those words. All these scenes that are so romantic turn into grey and meaningless in the stream of life where they lose their meaning because nothing happens. In Vera the name character is described with love as a day dreamer who reads a lot and whose looks are a bit shabby yet cute. Even the curl coming from her bun is described as only a person who is in love would describe. But then the main character to whom Vera confesses her love leaves the scene, goes home and starts his mundane chores leaving Vera. In Miss N.N.:s Story the couple is in love when it is summer and they are on the country side but then when winter season comes they don't seem to reach each other and in the end Miss N.N. looks back and ponders where the whole life has gone. What nails the atmosphere and how these couples wait for the great turn is said in Lady with Lapdog. The couple has found each other and they are both in love despite the circumstances where both are promised elsewhere.

 "And it seemed as though in a little while a solution would be found, and then a new and splendid life would begin.." 

And then in this case they are left waiting and the end is open and one can think they find a way to be together. But in many of these novels the lovers just let the moment pass and then visit back their life and how they once had great expectations about it.

It is not just the stories of love that have this melancholic and matter-or-fact tone. For example death of a main character is pictured the same manner. They live and then the life is over. It is like an everyday incident. A young man makes suicide because he can't stand the thought that somewhere life is better and people have love, joy and warmth. He sees it is far from his reach and ends his days. His tragic tale is written in very minimalist manner that feels a bit blunt actually. I was left thinking how could that happen? Same with a man who dies on the shame of sneezing to other man's neck. Death is like an unexpected turn that ends the whole story. And maybe that is it, death is complete and no matter what kind of life and thoughts one has had before, it all ends in the person's head. And if it is the main character that dies the story dies. And people who are left living and their feelings after the tragedy are another story where the person who passed away has no voice to take a part.

I loved the character of Sofia Lvovna in The Big Volodya and Little Volodya. She is so relatable lying under the blanket horrified by the big questions of life. In the company of her friends and husband she is taking part to parties and having fun. Her essence seems light and satisfied with her life. But when evening comes she burrows to blankets and thinks about her life and if it is at all what she wants it to be. How many of us lay terrified when alone in the dark and the distracting company of the day being just a small track in our mind. It is easy to be light on day and rush from task to task, participate and make decisions. But when dawn arrives all the things that were clear get new shades. Who am I, where and how do I actually want to spend my life? I can see the moment from inside and outside view. A messy bun coming out from the rummaged sheets, eyes big and and mouth just a tight line. It is the moment when heart begins to beat faster and one doesn't have any clue about daylight and mundane happenings that fill the hours awake. In those hours one would like to be given simple answers. Sofia's friend has solved the big puzzle by going to the monastery. Sofia envies her certainty about what life is and what happens after we die. It is those questions that in the end we have to try to solve alone. When day arrives we can put our big puzzle behind and concentrate to what is know.

Same kind of situation as Sofia's is described in A Nervous Breakdown. Vasiljev is asked to come and party with his friends. He doesn't get to the same mood as his friends who seem to be enjoying their life with ease. Instead of taking part to the fun he begins to observe the brothels they visit. He wants to know how the women in the houses are doing, he feels bad that they have to work as prostitutes and in the end wants to find a way to help them. The pressure to do something becomes a pain and he gets horrified. It is not about the issue what he takes as his mission but the need to have a mission that is the main thing. He feels there is something to do to make the world better. In the middle of all we see the wrongs of the world and we have an urge to fix. But like Vasiljev we only get stupefied by this invention of our role. And what makes Vasiljev so familiar is how he knows that this state will last only three days. What seems serious and matter of life and death is just a passing moment that doesn't lead to anything. Big and important notions go to the background to be pulled out when the next moment arrives.

With some stories I felt there was a moral lesson that is expressed quite directly. In The Ravin and The Bet examine wealth and moral issues. In The Ravin poor girl is married to wealthy family where she is not appreciated and the family members bully her. First it looks like she has gotten to better societies and that the members of the family are successful. But after time the real wealth reveals and poor Lipa who has bread to give to her father in law is the rich one. This is a very classic plot where poor one has to give when rich are blinded by money and fame. In The Bet the winner feels how money has lost it's appeal. In The Grasshopper Olga Ivanovna is married to a man who seems to be too modest for her and the societies she is a member of. All her friends are talented, artistic and, if not already famous, they are going to be some day. They have a great faith for themselves and they appreciate each other's work. Dimov is a doctor and doesn't get the same respect as the other members of the society. He is an outsider and share enabler to their lifestyle. Olga begins to take advantage of his kindness and use him cold-heartedly. But in the end it turns out he has been respected member of the academia and among the doctors and actually the only notable and meaningful person. The same sound is in The First-class Passenger that examines fame. A man in a train begins to tell his story to a person next to him. He explains to whom fame comes. He goes through his career and it becomes clear to the reader that he has been both talented and hard working. Yet his name is not known and magazines are not interested in his work. At the same time people who are not nearly as talented are getting room in the public discussion.

These stories bring up the same theme, who is getting acknowledged and appreciated and who is put to the shadows. Like in our days people who are doing hard work to develop their talent, who are trying to construct our society and whose work is actually essential to all of our well being are set to the background. There has been talk about how scientist for example don't get their results known and spread in the media. Everything lasts for a second and more entertaining content gets clicks and shares. We might not know about some important breakthroughs in science our streams being full of empty statements. Like the engineer in the first-class whose accomplishments were in the corner of the magazine when a mediocre celebrity gets the headlines. It is how world lies. Olga's society keeps themselves worthy of admiration. So thinks the engineer. But for some weird trick of life only the one gets appreciation and is known by people. Chekhov in very direct expressing who that one should be when he lists chemists, physicists, mechanics, farmers, artists and writers as one left to the shadows.

I read following short story collections from Anton Chekhov: Nainen ja sylikoira (1973). Venäläistä rakkautta (1929, re.print. 2012). Kaksikymmentä (1929, re.print. 2012). These collections have been published in Finnish and I don't know if the short stories have been collected to same kind of volumes in other countries.

Solanas' Utopia

20/52 Sara Stridsberg: Drömfakulteten (2006) and Valerie Solanas SCUM Manifesto (1967) This post is about two books actually. I read Sara Stridsbeg's Drömfakulteten - tillägg till sexualteorin that has been been translated to Finnish this year and goes with a name Unelmien tiedekunta - Lisäys  seksuaaliteoriaan. The novel's main character is Valerie Solanas who is a real historical person. In the beginning of the book it is said though, that all the characters are fictional. The novel includes parts from Valerie Solanas' work, SCUM Manifesto. The book made me curious to read through the manifesto as a whole to know better what kind of person we are talking about. Both the novel and the manifesto draw a picture of a person who doesn't compromise or make things more pretty than they are. Her thoughts go beyond political correctness and good taste. While writing and campaigning her manifesto she annoys people and seems to find few allies because she is so extremist.

The novel follows Valerie's childhood, student years, years as a radical feminist and last moments before her death. The story is written with short looks to situations and in the end the picture comes complete when the last mysteries kept between different eras are being covered. When I heard about this book I was enthusiastic to get to read it. After first few pages I doubted if I can finish it at all. The beginning was very rough as it opened to her death bed and traumatic childhood memories. It doesn't turn out to a happy story in any phase but knowing the sad end from the beginning makes it more easy to read and find out what happened in between all. The style how this novel is written brings to my mind beatnik literature. Tempo is fast and language doesn't hide the ugliness and sickening details. There is no room for euphemisms or trying to save someone's feelings. It is as unapologetic and rough as Solanas. I would suggest reading this book in a broad daylight or with someone you are able to talk about the text.

There is an inner conflict in the mind of  Solanas, who is modern and intellectual person in a world that is conservative, restricting and bound to patterns. Based on the novel I got a picture of a person who is so far from this world that she doesn't get a grip on this reality or that the world doesn't get a grip on her thoughts.Valerie's talent and intellectual ideas stay unacknowledged and her ideas don't get refined to full capacity. In the novel she gets a short period of time when she believes that things are getting better and her work will be appreciated but soon she drops from this illusion. Her early years and traumatic experiences through her life seem to have an influence how she sees men and the functioning of the world. Still when I read the novel I didn't want to think that her work is only defined or explained by her rough experiences and that more positive ones would have made her work look different like for example more negotiating. She has a gift to see the current system, tell it's weaknesses to people and do visionary work to build an utopia.

When reading the novel and manifesto I felt she goes over the limit in some things. For example she suggest that all men should be wiped away so women could have an utopia where they could live and prosper. She writes that women are doing great together and using the latest science they could focus on making more women. She sees no reason for men to exist at all. Where does this come from? How could she say that and believe it to be right? One chapter in the novel opened the logic to me. As a post graduate student she studies mice and wants to study only females and execute the males as irrelevant to the research. Then a male academic says it is against the tradition and practices. While he explains the system to Solanas it is revealed that male are the norm according to whom everything is researched. Relationship between mother and child is only occasion where females are interesting and worth studying. The world where Solanas writes her rough words is a world where women are wiped away as unworthy. In a symbolic way women are banned to exist and exiled to margins. The world around Solanas is a one where men live and prosper according to their own rules. This opens up the context for Valerie's frustration and aggressive behavior.

When reading the novel it feels like Solanas is ahead of her time but I wonder what would happen if the manifesto was published in 2018 for the first time. Would it be banned because of the encouragement to violence and hatred even though in the end Solanas writes she doesn't believe in violence and killing. There are little hints about how the manifesto is accepted among fellow feminists. She meets other feminists that criticize her attitude towards men. They see men's role as companions when fighting for equality and better world. Solanas that we see in the novel is not ready for this jump from male overpower to peaceful collaboration towards common goals. She doesn't want to be mature and constructive but angry.

SCUM is provocative read. But maybe if she would have modified it to more politically correct form it would have lost it's clearness and energetic message that works as a wake up call. Did she mean to have her manifesto to be taken literally? Or what did she try to say when she says that men are not needed anymore? Is there really a division to two groups, men and women, who are against each other or could the groups have other meaning? Manifesto is written in 1967 and the societal issues she lifts up are the same we read from news even today in 2018. That is something to think about. Maybe she saw the power structures the world is based on and all the issues that work against women getting to live fully satisfying life. In the novel she goes through the ultimate frustration with the current state of issues and loses her mind. She is put away from the public discussion because her message begins to blur and sound like sick person's mantra instead of something that is thoroughly pondered and evaluated. Maybe she sees how unwilling men in power are to give up their lead and position and that is why she is getting tired waiting to get some scraps in her lifetime. Maybe she doesn't want to be neutral and loved by all but needs visible change. And saying it aloud with radical and thought provoking claims makes the message easier to remember.

The societal problems she points out are not unfamiliar to us. The methods to fix those issues are in some parts unusable. But she helps to see the world and ourselves in a very different light and lets us to question how things actually are. She changes the roles and traits traditionally given to men and women. She writes in her manifesto that women are powerful, independent, brave, interesting and ready for adventures. She sees that men try to turn things upside down by making their weaknesses to be women's weaknesses. By making women believe this false truth they can have a role of a master, teacher and guide. She sees how women are made to listeners and laborers who book their days with tasks that serve men (like cleaning and taking care of men's needs). She sees women more adventurous, proud and self-sufficient by nature.

I was surprised to read today's headlines from a book that has been written in 1967. Solanas claims that talented girls lack self esteem and because of that don't take scientific career. She thinks that girls are deliberately taught to feel that way. Just last week I heard from Maailmanpolitiikan arkipäivää -program (Nyt tytöt koodaamaan! 12.5. Yle Radio 1) that women are needed as coders but quite few believe in themselves enough to take that career. It was criticized how people are worried about boys' school success when girls are having serious lack of confidence and they don't believe in themselves even though they do great work at school. Solanas also points out automatization and work life. She sees that some men are afraid of losing their position, control and power if automatization takes over. She sees that lots of capacity could have been freed to creative work and most tasks could be done by machines. I have often thought this, that it should be possible to give more work to machines and use that saved time to something more purposeful. Still there is a tradition that doesn't want to loose it's grip from old ways of doing things. Work is often seen very physical and repeating instead of planning new innovations for example. Even nowadays when machines and robots take lots of our tasks we are kept in a leash so that some people could keep their positions and make more money. Because if we were freed from work as we know it, it might mean equality for all to do creative work like science and art. People could come up with new ideas and have time to use their voice against power structures. This might sound terrifying to those who don't see pattern of taking advantage of others in that new order.

Maybe Solanas has written her manifest to people who don't get to bloom in this current system, who are waiting their grand moment that never comes and who want freedom. According to Solanas the system gives success and moments of achievement to some but not for all. Women are seen as a combination of characters that are not based on reality and that way men are let to rule against this false image. I don't know how relevant this dichotomy to two groups called men and women is these days. But I have noticed a false ideal of how women and girls should be guides my behavior too. There have been moments when I have thought that I have talked too much, that I stole too much time. That I should become better listener and try to learn what wisdoms people have to tell me. I have thought that I have nothing special to give that others would like to hear about so that it would be justified to take all that room for myself.

In Solanas' utopia women will create a magical world where everyone gets education, freedom of self expression and chance to explore, create new innovations and be together instead of being isolated from each other. It is very far from her life in the novel. She does have relationships and people who she loves. Still I felt that she is quite alone and walks in back alleys collecting all extreme experiences one can have and eventually finds herself somewhere deep and isolated from world and people who have just visited her life.  But her utopia in mind we can be motivated to come up with solutions to make it reality. Anarchy that Solanas describes as the practical answer to success is too rough and unpredictable.  But maybe we should be allowed to say things more straightly without limiting our thoughts and actions. To say what we ponder and blurt it out as it first comes to our mind. It might sound stupid or unsophisticated but at least it would include the issue we want to express. We could yell on top of each other and not be so careful about waiting our own turn that never arrives. Maybe this cacophony would produce new outcomes and those would turn into energetic action. And when doing we could make all the mistakes, yet we wouldn't be paralyzed by that but we could continue with new directions. Maybe that is Solanas politically incorrect claim: not to be passive but actively say what there is to be said and act when needed.

A Place One Is Allowed to Call Home

Dance of the Jakaranda is the first book I got to finish reading outdoors on my balcony. Summer gives it's own atmosphere to reading. The town is humming on the background, few cars passing the alley, scent of garden flowers or summer rain, sunshine that almost blinds you when you try to read. Maybe a cup of coffee if it is morning or ice tea if the moment in question takes place in the midday heat. No dusty indoor air and electric lights but soft breeze and changing hues on the sky. Reading has become an outdoor activity instead of something keeping you inside. A tunic and some headwear  are the only necessary clothes one needs these days. The other day when I was reading on my balcony for the whole day I saw how the scenery changed for greener in front of my eyes. I should have taken a picture to see the difference. And I swear I could see how the buds came from the soil, such is the power of summer sun. If the weathers are this great the following days I will be doing my evening reading outside. Or maybe I head from work to a park to read few pages before coming home. These are the moments we get in the middle of life. If today sun is shining and I have on hour or two I am going to take that sun. Actually there have been statistically rainy summers that I remember as sunny because in my memory are the days of sunshine that I spent outdoors. All weekends might be rainy but warm summer evening every now and then gives the touch of warmth. 

19/52 Peter Kimani: Dance of the Jakaranda (2018) A theme ever so current, how to find a place one is allowed to call home? There is and there has always been immigration. People have leaved places they have called home to find better circumstances and possibilities to build their life. In Dance of the Jakaranda young Babu and his wife Fatima leave Punjab for better work possibilities. Babu is a technician, one of many who take a part to the massive task of building a railway in Kenya. McDonald, British soldier, is bound to the railway as the leader of the project. Reverend Turnbull is also playing a role in the happenings. The lives of these three men are twined together since they meet the first time. When Babu's grandson Rajan meets a mysterious woman he falls in love with, the hidden links between these men and happenings of the past begin to reveal.

Lots of what has happened in the lives of these men seem to be consequences of misunderstandings and poor communication. Especially in McDonald it is visible how the ways he has been taught to see the world effect on how he interprets what comes in front of him. He keeps his own views instead of realizing the limits of his own knowledge and trying to learn about the culture he is currently surrounded. When he needs help to understand what Babu means with his actions he consults the notes of his predecessor that verify the imperialist way of seeing the world and people who do not come from the same background. It is somehow easy to keep the thought patterns one has learned without a need to be critical towards one's own culture and what one has been taught to keep right. Questioning the so called right ways might help the future but one needs strength to go through the sometimes quite unbearable realizations that might occur at the moment. When we look back in the history it feels difficult to understand how people in the western countries were so satisfied to themselves and how they thought they were so excellent in everything that they needed to go and guide other people. How it was reasoned that they could go and take advantage of someone else's resources and ship goods to one's own land seems unreal. Yet part of these structures exist in some form even today's global traffic of goods when the backgrounds  of the products are not visible. Cheap products guarantee a certain lifestyle with the expense of taking from others.

All three men are looking for a different life than what has been possible in their native country. It raises the question in which terms one is allowed to reach for better life? Can one just decide to leave where one is born and head anywhere on the Earth and build a home. McDonald reveals that his background is not that high class as it first seems. He too has had a possibility to build a life that would have been too far to reach in Britain. As it is pictured in this novel Kenya offered a certain lifestyle and status for people who decided to move and form their life and career in there.  They could have better houses, leisure and commodities. There is a huge contrast to the possible life that McDonald would have had in Britain. But what is notable is that these luxuries were not for everyone but just privileges that white people took when they arrived and settled. And the thinking pattern they built to make that sound right is difficult to comprehend. The reality for Babu, who also moves to Kenya to have a brighter future, is slightly different. He with the other Indians is somewhere in between British and locals. He has some privileges but he also sees the unjust ways that the British have built their empire and how local way of life is being swiped away without asking the opinion from the people who have lived there first. It is unbelievable how big role McDonald and Turnbull are ready to take when they manipulate other people's lives. They manipulate the local politics and they intervene specifically to Babu's life. They don't even question whether they have got their impressions of Babu right before they begin their mission to ruin his chances. They just assume they know the people whose life they are about to change. People who are being manipulated don't even know what has happened. Maybe both McDonald and Turnbull have also been manipulated to act as they act and it serves some bigger interests of the empire.

Peter Kimani tells a story that takes place in the multicultural history of Kenya. When railway is constructed people are connecting and building not just railway but also relationships. It is natural that people are curious about each other and want to get to know who the other one is. World is on move today and because of this themes Kimani brings up are not just to see the history with clearer view but to see what is today. Are we bound to our own believes we keep right no matter what or are we ready to change our views? Do we blindly act according to what we have been taught when it does nothing but harm to us and our fellow humans? How could we get rid of prejudices of all kind that separate us? 

Then there is the last question. When one is allowed to call a place home? Babu's grandson shows how long the process is and how the prejudices follow though generations. Even nowadays, when people move and travel more than ever, we are described based on our looks and how we resemble the stereotypical looks of a person living in a particular country. It takes time to settle and find a place that feels home. It might be that it is impossible to return to where one has previously lived. For example Babu's home country, Punjab didn't exist anymore so that he or his grandson could return. Even though the country one is trying to settle wouldn't be particularly hostile quite few places are 100% inviting new people to come and move in. People who have lived in that country their whole life continue their lives as before. The one entering has to claim their own place, make a new life with new career, friends, hobbies and place to live. If you have ever lived abroad even for a while you know that it is not easy and one questions their existence in the new place. 

Maybe after years and generations the connections to the native country have finally been unleashed and only place one can call home is where one is at the moment. But still even so other people might be seeing it differently. In new situations, like in the novel when Kenya gets independent, it is thought over whose country and whose piece of land that place is. History doesn't give simple answers because what is now is built with layers of time; both darker ages and brighter moments. It is not so straightforward to point that those who where there first are the only one's allowed to stay. Back in history people have entered with various motives that can be evaluated in current light. But what this novel beautifully pictures is how people now are all the same. Where there have been groups with opposite views now there is one group because time has done it's task. People have found both lovers and enemies from the opposite side and that way made a path for shared future. Even hatred is a connection, a link that combines when time passes. 

Happy Summer Days to You All!

Sannu

Apocalyptic Carnival

I should try to pick more books that are about enjoying life, having a good time, romance and other happy stuff. Books that I have read seem to go through difficult themes that are not easy to read and process. Now that I have been reading more I have noticed that I choose novels and collections of stories that offer a challenge. One thing I have noticed to have an influence on my reading is education. I am social scientist after all and when I read these books I can't help finding societal issues and critique against the state of the world. I guess someone else would be reading the same pages very differently. I love to read from a perspective of one person going through certain issues but I also keep in mind how big phenomenon might be in question and actually that not just one person but many people in the real world are having same kind of experiences. For example last time I wrote about Anna Gavalda's great collection of short stories where one theme was loneliness. It is touching to read about a main character's loneliness and it feels even worse when you think about how common it is. It is a serious and fatal issue in our world. I think stories give us a push to see the world differently.

There are lots f dystopic books about technology taking room from human to human communication for example. I am not reading those as a merely pessimistic picture of the future but as questions. Questions about how are we doing right now and how we want things to develop. The first book I read for 52 books in 52 weeks challenge was Lidia Yuknavitch's The Book of Joan that was a dystopia about human kind loosing it's connection to nature and that way losing it's whole humanity. I am not against progress and new technologies. Quite the contrary I think lots of our capacity to ponder, evaluate and create will get to it's full bloom when we find out how part of our current tasks can be given to robots. Also I am curious about meeting E.T. Or if not meeting at least it would be wonderful to get to communicate and share thoughts about how we see the universe, it might open a new angle to life! Even though we are having wonderful progress it is necessary to choose what are the values we have when we create our future. After this rather eclectic lead lets get to today's book that is some kind of picture of today's world or maybe something we will see after few years. It is for the reader to choose.

18/52 Leena Krohn: Kadotus (2018) I could say that in this novel the objects are the actual main characters. In this book a rather philosophical character goes through things that have arrived to her office of lost objects. She ponders the essence of the object and it's background asking who's it has been, what have been done with it and what kind of circumstances the object has seen. Objects are quite often seen as matter but the personnel at the office knows that they have immersed knowledge, life and history. Nowadays matter is seen negative and something we should get rid off and learn to live minimalistic. Especially collecting things is sometimes seen as the opposite of intelligence, intelligence that should be working on the mind's level not to be attached on something so mundane as matter. But even after matter there is something we have become obsessed to chase and collect, experiences.

In the novel there is a night of carnival where people gather to see different kind of art performances and to get new experiences. The carnival leaves lot of matter behind. That matter is visible to the person in the office of the lost objects.  Happenings of the night get a form through the objects that offer various perspectives. The objects have a connection to people who have interacted with them and seen them. Every item opens a new story and the atmosphere of the night is pictured to the reader.

There is something apocalyptic in the world described. It is not like anything is totally different than what we experience today in our real life. Somehow people just describe the normal happenings of the night with certain tone. Like the firework might not be a firework, a person acting weirdly might not be a person at all. It feels there is something in the air that makes people to see marks of a big change, change that's nature is not a good one. Is there a reason why they want to see it that way? Has something happened already that is not just mentioned but haunts in people's minds? It made me think how change happens. Can we spot change and when and where it took place. When did we begin to live in a world of smart technology for example? When I was a kid (in 1800s ;) we did't have that much computers around and I still remember how magical it sounded to have TV in a phone (I'm ancient). In the novel some small things like robots and peculiar pets in the streets tell that it might be somewhere in the near future. People have always wanted to see marks that the end is coming. If not the total end of the world but catastrophe. Catastrophes happen all the time and it is hard to understand the connections and bigger picture. Is this it, is this the path that makes us vanish or is this still same stuff that has been going through history? Does it make difference? Does the catastrophe we wait for have to be something we have to personally be part of to see that it is the end of a world? Quite many worlds are ending at the moment when we fear the future.

The person in the office of lost objects sees how abstract, temporary and fragile the constructions of human civilization are. She ponders money and time for example. A clock and money as a material object will stay but the meanings people give to them will vanish. What comes to money it is mainly an agreement and shared knowledge. If we would not agree that with money we can buy things it would not be anything. What comes to money in our bank accounts it is just something we believe. It is not tangible. After the tangible matter what comes is knowledge we have to pass to the next generation. We have to believe that the way individuals and society understands money is the same way as we do now. What comes to time then and is it a human made concept? There is natural time in the world but it is more vague than that we measure with second's decimals. Nature has cyclical time. With human there came history of happenings that take place in linear. In linear time human is in the center, acting and changing, going forward. This is where I begin, act and end. It is a way of thinking that avoids  the thought that we are born, we live and go to soil and back to the cycle of nature. Which one feels better at the moment, to think we go back to the cycle we started or that there is linear where we are one link forward? Or maybe we always have both. There is life of the matter (our bodies being matter too) and life of the thoughts we get and share together.

Today, on the First of May is a second day of Vappu carnival here in Finland. I guess there might be quite similar atmosphere on the streets when used paper streamers and balloons surf in the morning air. Though this is just one morning in the run of days. Sun is shining and flags are calmly in the flagpoles.

Happy May Day! Hauskaa Vappua!

Sannu

Love Story. Changed Ever After

This novel got me on the first page with it's beauty that is not in the loveliness but rather in the roughness of life. Still it holds lots of romance that has something similar with the worlds most read love stories. I often disagree when people describe a novel as romantic. I have read many books that have been said to be romantic and been very disappointed. I don't like love stories where the main participants just know each other from far away and then the other one dies and the one left behind spends their whole life thinking about love they had. I don't think it is romantic, it is plain cruel. Though I don't question the love that these characters have but I think romantic tale has to have something promising, some great moments even though the end would be tragic. The other way how romantic stories have let me down has been being too sweet, pure and easy. When a story is too sweet it begins to lose it's power to describe life holistically and human emotions in the broader scale.

16/52 Julian Barnes: The Only Story (2018) Paul is having a summer break from the university and goes to a tennis club from his parents suggestion. In the club he meets Susan, married woman in her fifties. In the novel Paul looks back his life and tells their love story that became his only story. Julian Barnes' novel has some elements of a classic love story. It is old fashioned in a good way and doesn't seek to hide it with cheap tricks. The Only Story is based on the romantic thought that there is one love story in every life that holds more meaning than the others. It doesn't give limitations or requirements what kind of love it should be. The novel makes it simple to believe in larger than life love.

It is easy to think that this story could take place in the real world. Their love story doesn't make you envy them, it has too much realism for that. But the main thought about one true love is something minimalistic and modest in this world of maximalist experience and rush to do more than one actually needs. It is stated as a fact in the novel that that is how it tends to be, one has single story that holds more in the mass of other stories. It is not idealism, it is realism. Truly fascinating thought. Especially if you think you only know your story when the end is closing and you can look back your stories and see what has been the theme in your life so to say. For Paul it was Susan who filled his life even when they were separated she had more meaning to him and his life than anyone else he met and was with. I wonder if we want to rule our life in advance and be in control when the name of the game would actually be to live and see and then make the conclusions. It is tricky to do it the other way around. Like if you write and try to close the summary first and then do the ten chapters before to match the summary you already printed out. Either you bury the leads the text could take or you still have to go back to the summary and write it again.

I liked the attitude Paul has as he looks back his life and ponders how it is to be at his old age and what kind of person he was at young age. He understands the young and their thinking patter and doesn't judge their omnipotence and belief in life. He sees how it belongs to the phase they are having in life and lets them be in their own reality. He sees the humor and irony in every phase of human life. I loved the way how Paul wonders that young people think the reason for the existence of old people is to envy the young.

Paul also thinks about age as an abstract phenomenon. Paul and Susan had a big age difference but it doesn't show in their relationship or their being together. They are the same age in their minds even though Susan has more years and that way more experience of life. Having lived through those years doesn't mean she knows more about how life should be lived. What she knows are some of the facts of life and realism about human being. She doesn't guide or influence but tells her notions that Paul will come to understand as he gets the same years behind him. There is no package about life one could pass and teach to other person to make them better and more ready. Experience comes through the years and with no shortcuts anyone could pour to one's head.

What comes to attitudes and values those are not connected to age. For Paul Susan is different generation by the values than the other members of her generation. Life values, political opinions and attitudes towards fellow humans and what is happening in the world is not bound to age. There are values that are more represented in some generations maybe because of the shared reality and experience. Still it is personal how one sees the world and what values they keep precious. Paul notices when he meets Susan that she is not like other people of her generation or as it could be put, like other people of the social circle both Paul ans Susan are members of. Young people are not always free and open minded as it could be thought stereotypically. Age can give more permissible approach to life and other humans. One is quite cruel and one sided when young. Through the years one comes more familiar with one's own faults, mistakes and dark sides and doesn't view other people so critically but with more mercy. Also what you know about world as a young person doesn't disappear. You still know it as you become to know what it is to be in the middle and old age. Maybe Paul and Susan meet in the circle of age in a perfect time. Paul has still the knowledge, eagerness for life and self-esteem of a young person and Susan has learned to view life with more open perspective and acceptance.

Still even though they meet on the minds level the years Susan has behind her begin to separate them. The life someone has lived can't be wiped away. Love or any other relationship doesn't  begin from an empty table. They both bring their own package that they have to accept and learn to live with. What has been has it's effect no matter how great you build your life together. The passed years continue to live in us. What has been the problem of one's own becomes a joint problem because it might develop a problem of a different kind for the other member of the relationship. It is difficult to see near and with small steps of acceptance both are in the same situation. What keeps together is remembering the wonderful moments and collecting more of them even though they become sparse.

If the other books I have been writing about have been about relatively young people in the phase when one decides what path to choose in life, what to become when grown up and how to spend life well then this book offers a different angle. In this novel one looks back life lived. There is no more pressure to make good decisions and spend life effectively. It is what it became. This novel examines life and love and makes both feel grand and meaningful. Like there is destiny and bigger picture we take part in with our own life histories and love stories. Paul's and Susan's story is not fairytale and that makes it raw and emotional. As Paul ponders there are things in life you can't get deleted even though you decide to forget because those things have already changed you. This is a romantic novel that lifts love high without offering a ready picture to keep as an ideal. It doesn't exclude anyone with it's happiness and easy answers that lead to happy ever after. Maybe it is more changed ever after and remembering why one has become what one is and keeping the story in mind.

Private World Of Unhappiness

Sylvia Plath's work has been on my must read list for long. Before Easter I finally took her novel, The Bell Jar, from a library. I have wanted to read this novel and at the same time I have been avoiding it. I thought it might be too depressing, especially knowing how close it is to her own life story that had a tragic ending. To be frank I was a bit scared that I would feel anxious after reading this novel. I knew I wouldn't be able to take distance from the subject and just read it as a merely fictional story. What I found, when I took the risk and read the book, was that it was actually liberating to read about the main character Esther's experiences with mental health problems. Plath describes happenings honestly and brutally. The liberating point is to find from the book a person who has gone through same peculiar thoughts as you even though life stories and experiences are otherwise very different from each other. Like what has happened/ is happening to someone right now/ might happen to anyone of us some day are all shared experiences. Something that maybe not everyone but quite many people after all might have to go through and live with. Over an year ago I watched a documentary about the history of Finnish mental hospital Kellokoski. The documentary is called Hulluus kylässä and it can be seen at Yle Areena (here), it has no English subtitles though. It is a documentary that gave me a great dose of healing laugh. I hope I tell this right because it is some time from when I saw it but a man in the documentary told about his experiences with depression. He said how he slept through nights and days for some time. And then he said, "the quality of sleep was quite poor then". And I laughed. This is all very serious, the documentary had many interviews with patients and healthcare professionals. It didn't mock or understate mental health problems. But what you need sometimes is to be able to laugh. To think that even this dark matter is part of life and belongs to the day light. Sometimes you have to cry and laugh at the same time to get over it.

14/52 Sylvia Plath: The Bell Jar (1963)

The main character Esther is a hard working and talented student who has gotten a chance to spend summer in New York and work at the magazine. In the middle of her summer of dreams she begins to loose her grip on life. Esther has a pressure to achieve a lot. She is ambitious and trained to chase goals she has put to her life. It is easy to relate to her hurry in life. All the possibilities that are waiting to be taken.  I think a lot of people these days have similar feelings especially when social media informs us from different exciting ways to spend a lifetime. So many possibilities from career options to travelling the world searching for oneself. Esther describes the options with a fig tree and how she tries to choose which one of the figs to take. When she is stuck in the phase of choosing she begins to loose her options. One by one fruits get spoiled. The pressure to choose and choose wisely is too much. At some point rules in life change and one has to make decisions. During the school years and studying life is still quite forward. You just do your best if you want to achieve your goals.  Then comes the big question. What would you choose to demand from life? The ambitiousness has not disappeared anywhere and all that you know is that you would like to have an extraordinary life. Some of the pressure is self made, one knows there is capacity and will to do better and it creates a circle of trying too much. Until someday energy has disappeared from every limb and even the most simple tasks begin to feel impossible. This would be a good point to stop and take a breath. But instead of that you look around and the people around you seem to move from one part of life to the the second and you are left out and try to reach the same pull to the future.

Plath describes truthfully how little by little Esther notices how things she could do before with ease start to feel impossible. She looses the edge she has had. World begins to feel unfamiliar and looks like other people have some extra dose of energy she doesn't have. She has imagination and she can think of different ways to spend a lifetime. Yet she lacks the last push to live. She would like to write but she hasn't lived yet so she could write about her experiences. The novel is a cruel and honest picture of what it is to be a young adult. World is actually quite sick in one way. A perfect individual is both young and achieved a lot. Some can perform this combination. Some are clever not to even try. Some get tired trying. I think when you begin to compare you don't compare yourself to one person at a time. In your mind you have a bunch of people whose best features and achievements construct an image of perfection. And against that perfection you compare yourself. Like Esther you see the fig tree of possibilities and you can't choose because you actually want to achieve it all. And that is where the last drops of energy are drained out trying and pushing too hard to stay on the surface.

 With no energy mundane activities begin to feel too demanding and even irrational. What is the point to wake up every morning when you have to go to sleep and wake up the next morning. Esther nails it with her thoughts about going to shower and how exhausting it is. She questions why to go to shower when this same activity waits you the next day. She would like to have it all done at once and for good. Every routine in life just comes as the same every day leading you through the boring and dull life that has no meaning. It feels strange where do these people get the energy to do all these things. The bell jar is a private bubble with it's own rules, logic and way of behavior. When one is inside the bubble other people are left outside. They will continue to live their life and do the things they have always done. Question is how many people are waiting when one comes out of the time capsule?  Life with mental health problems is hidden from the gaze of others but it exist to the one who is living through it. After the months, years, decades that have been spent inside the capsule/ bubble/ bell jar there might be a bad consciousness about the time wasted. Because time spent inside the bell jar disappears when one comes to the world outside. It is not one of the most cheerful things to bring up in a conversation that you spent years xx dealing with mental health problems. Not that many people want to hear about it. World wants healthy and able people. Like Esther's mother who suggest they start again from where they left as if Esther's mental disorder doesn't exist at all. When actually who is healthy after all? The line is narrow and one can't predict the future and what it brings and how you react to that. In the end of the novel Esther's ex-boyfriend Buddy asks "I wonder who you'll marry now, Esther" and refers to the mental hospital that is part of her history now. Maybe the question is actually larger, who and what kind of people will surround you in a new situation with the experiences you have had?

9/52: Susan Sontag. Stories

Hope you are having a great weekend my dear friends! Today I decided to wake up a little earlier to get things done from my to do -list. You know when small, relatively easy tasks begin to pile and start an annoying noise in the back of your head? That happened to me and that is why I wanted to get rid off the background mumble that distracts creative work and work in general. Empty table every now and then feels amazing. And now I literally have an empty table after cleaning the whole house and finishing projects. The 13th of this month was a pancake day and I had bought ingredients to bake pancakes. I didn't and something as silly as the cream getting spoiled in the fridge was one of the annoying noises. Well now, tummy full with pancakes and cream I am writing this post from cleaned table that is in beautifully organized tiny home. Weekend happiness and small pleasures of life in it's best. And can you believe that the next book I will be reading completes the first ten of 52 books in 52 weeks challenge!

9/52 Susan Sontag: Stories (2017). The ninth book is a complete collection of Susan Sontag's stories. I haven't read anything from Sontag before and chose this particular book based on tree factors: I have seen her books on bookstagram accounts. This was in the local library's novelties. It has the most beautiful cover that is Howard Hodgking's painting Artificial Flowers. Inspiring and gorgeous cover being not the least of reasons why I was so motivated to read this book. After reading this collection of stories I have put Susan Sontag to my list of authors I want to read more. Stories brought up current issues that are now discussed and important moments in human life. I would say Sontag describes turning points in life in a way that is easy to relate, from small moments that shape our future to conscious life decisions.

In The Letter Scene turning points have been described in small moments when people write letters from different situations. The writers go through strong emotions they try to put in words. Task that is not easy when you never know how the person in the other end is processing your message. It is the same as in every writing, you never know who and in what kind of environment is reading your thoughts and what kind of meanings (that are different from your intentions) is put to your words. Story also makes you wonder how small things can have so big influence. Influence that cannot be reversed or changed. A moment's decision can affect your life in a way you never intended and you are to see it only years after. Maybe we don't always even notice or know the moments that shape our future but take the present as it is handed to us. Sometimes we might think over your decisions in life and wonder what we would have become is we chose a different path.

In Old Complaints Revisited the main character is making a big life decision. The person has been a part of unnamed Organization and wishes to part what they sees challenging. In this story Sontag pictures in a fine way what it is to go deep in an ideology and how all demanding it is to become a part of a group. The initiation process pictured in the story might sound extreme but is not actually that rare in social relationships. Like the main character quite many of us have a need to be something special and not like everybody else. We seek a group of people who are like minded and who we share same values with. Then after a while we might notice that little by little we are being changed by the group. We accept it's norms and unwritten rules like the main character gives an example how philosophical interests were encouraged and sports to develop physical appearance were undermined. For an outsider the unwritten rules might seem irrational or too restricting but inside a group it might not be that clear to see. It might not be unnamed and secret organization like the one in the story but an ordinary hobby group. I for example did running for few years as a hobby and noticed it influenced to my mind in a quite powerful way. There was a certain way of speaking and acting in running events for example. I also noticed that during the years of running I developed a skill to tolerate more pain. I might run and without noticing my toe was bleeding for example. To an outsider it might sound extreme but I am now only referring to few years of hobby running. We modify ourselves without even noticing and it is possible to see how we have changed only when we take distance  from what we keep as normal or mundane. If what we see then is something we want to get rid off it is complex situation as the main character in the story explains, the best years of life have gone with a certain pattern and lots have been sacrificed for the cause. And that sacrifice becomes visible only when you are outside the system. But the rewards of the sacrifice are only inside the organization.

The Dummy speaks 2018 so strongly that it scares. A man builds a dummy to live his life or those parts in his life he doesn't prefer. He wants the dummy to make his performance at work, take part in dull hobbies, be a husband to his wife and father to his children. What I thought in this point is what is left of life after all those things? What is actually better way to spend a life? The man in the story is so frustrated to his everyday life that he is ready to give it to a dummy. Tragic I think. The dummy, or dummies as he is forced to create two dummies eventually, begin to develop the life they are given to their own directions. In the end the man has become a shadow that as I see it has no life at all. The dummies both lead a content life. I wonder when life goes to the point that you feel powerless to change it to a direction you want and you are ready to leave all relationships and interests you have had before. I read from Twitter some weeks ago that it is possible to pay for a person to live your life so you can just stay at home and watch your life through the lenses of the actual person living. In some cases it makes sense, for example in tourism it could be used in virtual travel for example. But I think it is rather horrible future plan to stay alone at home and watch through the scene when someone does the things for you. Not every moment in life is wonderful and splendid and amazing. Still for me it is essential to do things in old fashioned way, walk, go to places, see people, interact face to face. Actually one novel I read last Autumn comes to my mind. Courtney Maum's Touch (2017) is about this theme, a human beings need for touch and interaction with other people. The man in Sontag's story is a tragic figure, he is so tired, and maybe depressed even, that he finds it comforting not to take part in his own life and just rest in emptiness. What is wrong in life or the way we are pushed to live if it results like that? Too many demands? Too many activities to take a part? Too much everything so that nothing feels special anymore? Or is it that we think our life should be an enormous experience like no one else's and it stresses us out when we notice we are as boring as the rest of the folk? This story really bought up so many questions and different angles to the subject.

To the end I still want to lift up two more stories that I especially enjoyed. Baby is a story about parenthood. It is both hilarious and very serious. I found it interesting to read how parents describe the events of baby's life so that it is not clear how old the baby they refer actually is. In same speech they tell how baby got his first tooth and how he should get a job. It describes perfectly the relationship between a child and a parent. One is always someone's child, no matter how old. Time goes rapidly and happenings begin to blur together, first tooth and first job are not so far from each other.

If you are an avid reader like me Pilgrimage might also have some resonance to you. It describes deliciously the joy of binging books and passionate relationship with literature. In the story an avid reader meets her literary hero, Thomas Mann. The meeting between the fans and the author makes you think whether great books are bigger than their authors. Maybe one who writes can't always express themself in physical way or in speech but needs a pen and paper to have their thoughts transmitted from mind to other people. As an introvert I oppose the thought that everyone needs to be a show person to sell their work, no matter the nature of the work. It is amazing that someone can write a whole world. Sometimes the ability to see the life around us and it's details demand a person who is more still and inside their mind pondering all the happenings rather that creating fuss and events.

If you need something challenging and thought provoking I highly recommend this collection of stories. One or two stories per day will give lots to think about and train your mind to see things around us in different manner.

8/52 The Color Purple

Happy New Week Everyone! I am warming my toes against the heater as I write this. It is cold winter day outside that is perfect for reading under the blankets. The eighth book I am reading to 52 books in 52 weeks challenge is Alice Walker's The Color Purple. I finished it last week but wanted to share my new quilt pattern on Friday and save the reading notes post for this week. So far this reading challenge has been motivating and inspiring. It has been fun to share books I have read and check what others have been reading. I have also had great discussions about what books to read next with other bookstagrammers. My to be read list grows almost every day so it seems I will have plenty to read for the rest of my life. The challenge has inspired me to read thought provoking and not so easy to read books. Somehow writing about these books has made it possible to read because I don't have to keep it all inside but I can share thoughts with you. Today's novel goes to this category of books that were before almost impossible to read for me. I go deep to these life stories, fiction or nonfiction, and usually difficult books affect to my moods. Now that I have been making notes I process those thoughts to a paper and I don't have to carry everything in my head. Sounds like I have reinvented a wheel, right? I have never enjoyed writing a diary but after long years of studying keeping a notebook to gather important information and develop ideas has become a natural way of processing both things I have read and issues that circle in my head. I wonder how many pages I will write notes this year.

8/52 Alice Walker: The Color Purple (1982). I read this book in Finnish Häivähdys purppuraa. Following might contain some spoilers! This Pulitzer Prize winner was a difficult read because it pictures violence in many forms. Main character Celie lives between the World War I and II in Georgia, in a society that has racism. She is also being abused in her family and has little to say to the course of her own life. From this starting point her whole life story with it's hardships and wonderful moments is told in a form of letters to God and her sister.

Celie and her sister Nettie are somehow connected their whole life even though they are separated when Celie has to marry a man who she is forced to. One of the most wonderful things in this novel is the way it shows how a person's mind keeps the same and recognizable their whole life. It was in the end that I actually fully understood that this novel had Celie's whole life story. Her voice in her letters keeps the same and when she writes to her sister it sounds like they have just separated even though they have been apart most of their life. Sure people change in some ways but after all our personality is quite the same even though our looks change during the years. Especially when Celie and her sister Netty have known each other from their childhood it keeps up the person one has been since the beginning. Celie has her coping mechanisms and own humor that stays the same.

The way Celie confronts people changes when she gets friends who empower her and tell her to care for herself. In the beginning it is hard to read how down her self esteem has been pressed. She has learned to forget herself and her needs. Both her father and husband are violent and have taught her that she is nothing. This has gone deep in her and to cope with the daily violence she tries to forget her own existence. It is when she gets friends with her stepson's wife Sofia that she is guided to keep her own side and demand respect. And when Celie meets powerful Shug, her husband's lover, she gets a person to her side who puts a stop to her husband's violent behavior. This gives Celie a space to develop her own identity. Shug is the one who shows the surrounding world and it's possibilities; how it is possible to value yourself, demand people to do things for you, have a career using your gifts and express your own personality without apology. When Shug and Celie become lovers Celie is first time in a relationship she has chosen and she has someone who encourages her to find her own talent.

The novel brought up a thought if we can actually choose the people who we live our lives with or is it that the important people of your lives are just given. Like we have to cope with the bunch of people thrown in to our lives. Sometimes we do it with great success sometimes with not so wonderful results. In the novel the relationships are not straight forward and according to some common fairytale. There are ex-spouses and spouses, ex-lovers and current lovers, children and step children, siblings and parents, friends and enemies and they all live together. Some of the people are good and some are bad. Roles change, the good ones have bad sides and bad ones are not thoroughly evil. When Celie lived with her husband Albert her life was full of violence and fear and they seemed to have nothing in common. In the end of the story they have both been modified, Celie has become more powerful and Albert has acknowledged his former role as an abuser and made an effort to change. What they have in common is the way they both love Shug. Situations change and turn the way we see people in front of us. The bad things in life are not to be cherished and explained as good ones. But in Celie's life story links that lead to good or bad happenings were not that easy to spot. Some catastrophes brought great things to her life in the end.